there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
