I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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