after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize