When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
