I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
