i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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