I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
