Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
