I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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