don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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