Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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