hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
