I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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