I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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