Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
