I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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