I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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