At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
