Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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