And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
