If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
