whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
