Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize