You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
