I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
