And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
