everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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