Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
