Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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