I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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