end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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