first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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