On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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