I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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