So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
