you didnt know i had herpes?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize