ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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