Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
