Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
