I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize