shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
