I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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