cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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