pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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