clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
