I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
