Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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