Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
