At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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