i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
