I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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