Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
