she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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