i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
