addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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