Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
