I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize