We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
