someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
