Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
