my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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