Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
