She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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