I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
