I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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