its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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