So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
