I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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