Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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