TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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