I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
