Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You took a bar mat shot.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
