Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
