i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
